I am married to a fella named Mike. We have a very good relationship based on lots of playfulness, humor and respect.

We have good communication which can go something like this: "Mike, what is this doing here?" "This" could really be anything. From milk in the cupboard to shoes in the middle of the floor (don't ask!).

The funny thing about this form of communication is that I ACTUALLY believe that by asking him these sorts of questions, it will somehow flip some sort of mental switch in his brain and he will stop leaving crap all over the place!

The other day I left my shoes out in the middle of the living room floor. Mike smugly asked: "What are these doing here?" Well, I must say that I am very quick on my toes...so, I responded: "They are taking a rest before they walk themselves into the closet!" Hee hee, I am soooooooo hilarious! Luckily, he just rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. I picked up the shoes and put them in the closet. While I was doing that, I realized that I was feeling sorta annoyed. Because in truth (and I am so about the truth!), I didn't like him pointing out that my shoes where on the floor. I was sorta pissed off that he even said something.

Because I NEVER do that kind of thing!

Ya know?

To take this a step further ... because sometimes I just gotta....I started mentally listing all of the times he has left stuff out or put stuff in weird places that make no sense at all!!!! Let me tell ya...the list was way long. Especially compared to me...who only left my shoes out on the floor...ONCE!!!! I was about to open my fabulous mouth...when I realized what the hell I was doing. I was STARTIN' something! Me and my "great" communication...was wanting to start something!

Yay me for noticing this ... because, if I had launched into some sort of tyraid...I would have created all sorts of havoc! So, once I shut my internal list maker off-who needs to "prove how right I am"- I realized what the secret key to our great relationship is!

I mean...yes, it's about respect. And yes, it's about playfulness, and kindness and love and all that good stuff.

drum roll please...

Here is it is: The secret key to our great relationship is RESTRAINT!!!!!!

Really! It is!

I restrain myself all the time. So does Mike!

Sometimes, it is about communicating and sometimes it's about shutting the hell up! Not speaking "the truth." Because much of the time "speaking the truth" is about "I am right and you are wrong and here is my proof!"

I am going to bravely assert here that the secret key to ANY good relationship is restraint!

Whaddya think? Does that hold some grain of truth for you when you think about your quality, long term relationships? The ability to know when to speak and the ability to know when to shut the hell up!

Think about your own thoughts and funny stories. Do you know when to speak and when to shut the hell up?

Lynne has spent years gathering tools to assist others to tap into their inner wisdom. Her work is about ways to accept, love, and honor Self, and to take the great leap of faith into being authentically you! Learn more at her website and her blog.