In relationships, the way we seek to interact has a lot to do with how well we connect. Communications have always been somewhat problematic, but in the last few years with technology making it possible to communicate without ever really connecting with the other person, it has become a huge problem. Cell phones, voice mail, and e-mail have taken the place of sitting across from one another and actually having a conversation. Many of the difficulties we have can be broken down into the following categories:
•The way we string our words together. Some of us use a lot of words to convey what we want to say and others are very succinct. Some of us give way too much information, while others give way too little.
•Body language and voice tone. The new body language has now become voice tone and the use of icons, capital letters, etc. in email. It used to be that we sat across from the other person and maintained eye contact and "read" their body language. Now we rarely communicate face to face making it important for us to develop skills that, in the past, were not so important.
•Styles of communication. Some people talk to think while others think to talk. People who think to talk, come to conclusions about the subject matter while they talk. Those who think to talk, weigh their words carefully before opening their mouths. The talk to think people often overwhelm the think to talk people while the think to talk people are so slow to respond that the talk to think people think they are not paying attention. Lots of problems here, simply because of style.
•Mirroring and reflecting. We are often so busy planning the next thing we are going to say that we don't bother to check in with the other person to see if we are correctly interpreting what they are saying. Many relationships have ended up ruined simply because we make assumptions about what the other person is saying when all the while we could have just said something like, "I heard you say_______, is that right?"
•Keeping your heart in the right place. This refers to making sure we don't blame others for our part in the miscommunications. For communication to take place words have to be spoken (or written) by one person, and received and interpreted by another. Lots of room for error. Make sure you realize that the disconnect could just as easily be on your part as on the part of the other person.
•Correctly reading the other person. Have you ever had a person on the phone who abruptly said "well, gotta go, talk to you later" and then hung up leaving you feeling like the conversation was cut short? Many of us have had that experience and it usually means that we have incorrectly read the other person's signals that he/she considers the conversation to be over. Or we are trying to push our agenda on another person. Watch for those signals!
If you watch out for these pitfalls, my guess is that communications with the person with whom you are in relationship will improve to a large degree.
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