The key to being lovers and friends in a marriage goes far beyond a physical act of rhythm. The act in itself can be very mechanical and routine. But what defines the best intimacy is what goes on in the mind. And a lot of what goes on in the mind has to be created. I like the way family counselor Dr. Kevin Leman put it, he said sex begins in the kitchen and that we should create sheet music in the bedroom. If you ever get a chance to hear him speak or attend one of his seminars please, please do. He is absolutely hillarious and will keep the fire burning in any relationship if you listen and apply what he says. Okay, going back to my point, environment is critical to a healthy physical relationship. It is what turns the ordinary to extraordinary.
We can learn a lot about environment by watching the animal kingdom. Animals and birds do so much to impress their mates before the physical act. They sing, they dance, they build houses and woo their mate in, they put out their colorful plumes, the give off scents, they shake, they rattle, they strut, they lock heads and horns and pursue hard just to get noticed by the one female. They patiently wait for the right moment and they do get their girl. They get their moment of glory and stay united for a lifetime. Oh, if we would just humble ourselves and do the same there would be a lot less divorce in America and around the world for that matter.
It's what you do before the game that makes the game more exciting. Where would the Super Bowl be without the tailgate parties? Where would the rodeo be without the barbeque cookoff? Where would Christmas be without 25 days of holiday madness? The excitement is before the play. So where is your intimacy without foreplay? The major events that I mentioned happen weeks before the events, and married couples go through a physical moment for 30 minutes and wonder why things aren't the way they used to be. I know you had your game on before the marriage. Just get your game back on. Shake, rattle and roll - do something, really do something and impress that mate. They are so worth it.
You know what makes the animal kingdom so successful in relationships? They make their mate respond to their actions. They are so kind in drawing their mates attention and then most of them after the offspring are born take so much time giving their mate support and helping them to recover from giving birth. They build a relationship. I will never forget watching a PBS special on the life of Jackals. What they do for their spouse is so unbelievable it brought me to tears. Because I said how is it that the know the secret to life, love and relationships and mankind fails many times so grievously in this. Try watching the life of a King Penguin. It should put dead beat fathers to shame. Look at the plight of salmon all in order for the species to survive. It is absolutely incredible how much of their lives they put into the making relationships work. But with humans, we call ourselves getting fed up and head for the divorce court. Three things I would highly recommend before doing that, pray hard, watch a nature channel for 30 days, and go get serious marriage counseling. If that can't save your marriage, go on down to the divorce court.
Love takes time. And creating an environment where love flourishes takes much creativity. If you want to be a good lover you have to work at the art of making the object of your affection respond to you. It has to go way beyond the physical and touch the soul - the inner core of their being. You have to create an environment where they feel free to be transparent and that they can trust you with their fragile emotions. Your spouse will probably never tell you that. But if you ever reach that level of intimacy you will know that the things I have shared today are true. Go beyond self and your own personal gratification and step into your wifes (or husband) domain. Be willing to nurture them and meet their needs and you will find a yielding spouse, who will look forward to being available to you.
Linda Leon is a person who loves God, enjoys inspiring people and has done a gazillion things like write books, produce TV programs, and get ordained. Feel free to contact her blog at http://www.lifeis2good.wordpress.com.