Give it a reason.

In order to motivate your relationship, you'll want to give it a reason to move forward and get better. If you want a more meaningful relationship, ask yourself why? It might seem like a ridiculous question with an obvious answer, but really think about it. Is it because you want to feel good? Or is it because you want to enjoy your life? Is it because you have already invested so much time into it already? Is it because you don't want to start over again? Do you think that it is has ruined every other aspect of your life? Do you believe that with a more meaningful relationship you'll have a more meaningful life? After you have identified the reason, you'll want to give it some value.

Give it some value.

Are you worth it? Do you have good qualities? Do you like yourself? If you don't think you are worth anything, then why should the relationship bother to get any better. If you have become stagnant in your life, your relationship will follow suit. Are you relying on your relationship to qualify your life? If you can answer yes to any of these questions then you'll want to take a deep look inside and determine who you are before going to the next step.

Laurie had been concerned with her marriage and felt it spiraling downward. Early on, she felt good about what they had, but then gradually it just came down to a stale, boring relationship. She wasn't interested in him and he didn't show any interest in her. She was starting to doubt herself and the choices she made. After a few weeks of working with her, she realized why she wanted to make things better and how much she deserved it. Then she took control of the situation and things started to get better.

Have a vision.

When you try to encourage a friend to get into shape you tell her that she'll look great in those tight jeans again. You tell her that she'll feel great and energized from working out. You try to get her to imagine how she'll feel in the outcome. Try this approach with your relationship. Identify how good the relationship can be. You'll be able to enjoy time with your mate. You'll want to spend time with your mate. You'll laugh and giggle together. You'll have fun doing new things. You'll understand each other and accept each other's differences. You'll find the attraction and romance again. If you can't imagine how your relationship could be, then you might have not truly addressed the first two steps correctly.

Now, lead by example.

It's amazing how people will follow and admire someone that shows confidence and feels good about herself. If someone shows high self-esteem, and love for herself, it isn't hard for others to want to follow her around. Think of some of the people that you are attracted to and admire. Don't they fit that description? You don't find yourself admiring someone that complains or shows little self-respect. This is the same way your mate reacts to you. Why would he/she want to improve something if it's not worth improving. So feel good and do things for yourself. Once again, if you can't feel this way, you may need to go back and identify how much you are worth. It's not an easy task and most often requires someone to guide you along.

Sit back and watch.

You'll be amazed at how things will mysteriously change without you trying to make them change. By focusing on yourself, your relationship will have no choice but to move along with you. For review, here are the steps you took:

• You have given your relationship a reason to move forward
• You have provided value as an incentive
• You have provided a vision so your relationship knows where to go
• You have become a leader that your mate can follow

You have just taken control of your life and your relationship. Enjoy it.

Seran Wilkie is an experienced life coach that works with successful individuals that have lost control of some area of their lives. http://www.seranity.com.